Te tengo

Lord, I am fighting it….rage, anger, bitterness.  The urge to just run away. 

I pen these thought in my journal and pause.  Wow.  That does not sound pretty.  But how true.  I am deciding what to do about someone who I feel has wronged me, but yet I do not want to go to that person because, I mean, what will the say?  What will they do?

As I sit, contemplating, “VAMOS!”  interrupts my precious alone time with my Savior.  “What?!  Already?  But Lord, don’t you know I need this time to stew?!” 

But we leave anyways.  The morning is still new as we walk up a mountain to go visit a family.  They have prepared breakfast for us.  The air is crisp, but the sun begins to break through the clouds, warming the earth.  The whole way I say nothing but contemplate the injustice of my life, knowing what I needed to do, but asking God to let it be anything.but.that. 

We maneuver the hill to find the young girls of the family playing as though there were no cares in the world.  I join them.  I look at the mid-morning sunlight dancing in young four-year-old Dani’s clear brown eyes.  Her face fills with glee.  I pick her up under her arms, swinging her back and forth between my legs.  She giggles with delight.  I throw her up in the air.  She grasps for my hands.  Claws and pinches my arms. The joy leaves with rapidity.  I pull her close to myself.  As she lays her head on my shoulder, breathing deeply, I say with a little smile, “Te tengo.  No  te precoupes. Confia en mi.”

My breath catches in my throat, my eyes mist, and my heart says, “That’s what it is, right Lord?” 

I have you.  Don’t worry.  Trust in me. 

Oh Lord, make me like a child again.