Missin'

Two years ago I took a raod trip with my lovely sister Ashlyn to Sanit Louis for a Rise Up conference. This year the conference is in Dearborn, MI. My whole family is there is time. While there are certian aspects of the conference that I will surely not miss, I DO miss being there with my family. Have fun y'all!

A Bunch of Nothing

I want to say something. I really do. Just not sure what to say or even how to say it. I want to make something with my hands. I have no idea why, it is just the mood that I am in. So here it is to typing and seeing what comes out.
* Some folks from Georgia come to the church here in Rio Blanco yesterday. They brought jeans from my mom. Oh happy day. It may seem shallow, but hey, all my pants are falling apart and the only jeans you can buy here are covered in glitter and rhinestones, of which I am not a fan. I mean, really? Do I need something that says "I am a thigh! Look at me!"? I think not. I will pass. So it was a joy to receive the jeans.
[thanks mom]
*Another thrill from last week was that I road a donkey. Side saddle and bareback. Wearing a floor length skirt. We have been presenting the story of the birth of Christ as told by Luke. I am Mary. We have done the play upwards of 20 times. We have very basic props. Mostly just costumes. But the village we went to Christmas night made sure we had more than that. Thus, the donkey. It was interesting. I had a blast. And obviously I survived. Fun times. The sheep they brought up where pretty sweet too. Oh! One of the men there made a manger too. That was my favorite of all.
* One morning last week I sat down to breakfast and bowed my head to say a silent prayer of thanks. In the middle of it, I realized I was praying in Spanish. That means I was thinking in Spanish! Mentally translating all the time is tiring. I hope that I will be finished with mental translation in a couple of months. I know it is probably pretty insignificant to your life, but if you happen to be interested in my Spanish progress, its cool. Never fear, I am sure I will make horrible (meaning downright funny) mistakes with my Spanish for many years to come.
* I was given a backpack today. It is a bit used and has the name "Jessica" written in permanent marker on the front. I love it. I had been praying for one, and this one was handed directly to me. I would not want anything else. Thank you Lord.
* I am going to a place tomorrow that has snow. SNOW! Should be fun and freezing. I'm excited.
* Ever step back and think, "Um, wow. This is my life? These are the stories that I will be telling my kids and grandkids!" Crazy to think about. What is happening to me now is the story that I will be telling later. I know, I am strange to even think of such things.
* Now I do believe I am going to stop writing. I had no idea where this post was going to go when I started, and now I see it has gone nowhere.

Adios.

....

Time moves on and people change.
This is my 22nd Christmas.
But my first not being with my family.
But my 22nd year of being able to thank the Lord for His wonderful gift.
This was my facebook status this morning:
"...is thankful that the joy of Christmas is not in gifts, traditions, or even people you are with, because those things change, but it is about an eternal relationship with the God of the universe....something that never changes."

Different. Very Different.

Spending a quite Christmas afternoon watching a Jimmy Stewart movie. Talked with my all of my family this morning and will be going to one of the villages this evening for a Christmas play. And I am happy. Merry Christmas!

Handstand

Sometimes I feel like this. A little upside down or all turned around. Makes life all the more interesting!

Did you ever?

I have always wished that I could be five again. Seriously. Ever have those moments where you just step back and realize that you will never.ever.never be a kid again? Please do not misunderstand, I love my life. I would not trade it for anything, because, well, this is where God has put me. But still, whenever I think that I will never think like a child again, or have the same carefreeness of a child, I get a little sad. I mean, no more good excuses to climb a tree or jump off a wall....but why do you need an excuse to do those things? Just LIVE!
Ok. Now to get back on track.....I am living like a kid again! But not in the ways I was hoping. You see, people in this country that we call Mexico speak a language called Spanish. And where I come from, the people speak English. I have been learning a lot. And I do mean a lot. Even I am impressed with my ability to communicate this much in under three months. But I sound like I am four. I know I do. And it drives me crazy. Especially when I am treated like I am four just because I sound like I am four. Oh and if you think that is funny, you should have heard me read part of Judges 11 out loud yesterday. Talk about sounding out words and everything again! Oh me oh my!
BUT I am using this whole thing to my advantage. People tend to be more sympathetic when you sound like a four-year-old. For example, when we went door-to-door last Saturday, I said a couple of things then said that my friend want to share more. I think it opened doors (literally!) that might not have been opened otherwise. And isn't that just like the Lord? To take the things that I am ashamed of (my Spanish) and use it to win people to Himself?

Here is a picture of the girl, Andrea, who was in the hospital that I talked about in this post. With who I think is a brother. Families work differently in the mountains and in Mexico in general than in the States. You grow up with your cousins being your best friends and your aunts and uncles are second parents.
Anyways, I have been back to that home a few times since I wrote the last post about them. This girl made it home at the end of last week. From what I understood her biggest concern right now is a fracture in her forehead. Her family had told her that her younger sister (Gloria) had gone to another state for a few days. Eventually it was one of the missionary guys, with the blessing of the family, who told her that her sister had passed away. Andrea knows where her sister is and Andrea is so very happy. Seriously. Very happy. When I saw her yesterday, she was running while hopping on one leg because of an injury. Yes, RUNNING. Oh to have such happiness in the Lord and His promises!

Talking with friends....

....such a lovely pastime.

Good Times

My senior year of highschool. Three and a half years ago.

Gloria

On Wednesday we went to a home in the mountains that I had only been to once or twice before. When we pulled up in front of their home, we had to maneuver around barricades that had been placed in the road. In the middle of the barricade there were piles of flowers and two white candles. Two lives. Forever changed. There were crowds of people. All speaking in a tongue in which I only understand a few phrases. Nahualt. The language of the native people. Everyone held flowers. Women where wailing. Dozens of candles were burning in the dimly lit room. Grown men stood silently with tears flowing down their faces. The air was stiff and there was the heavy scent of incense. The children clung to their mother's as though their lives depended on it....and the mothers held on even tighter. In the middle of it all there was a white box. Smaller than four feet long and only a couple feet wide. A casket. A casket holding what used to be the body of a perfectly healthy newly turned four-year-old girl. Gloria.
Two days before she had been playing outside her house with her six-year-old sister Andrea when a truck lost control and hitting them both. And in an instance that little life was no more.
In the house we sang songs of worship to our God. The wailing fell to soft snobs. One of my Christian brothers began to share in Spanish from the Bible about what Jesus thought of children. Another brother translated in Nahualt. The men told the women to stop there chatter and listen to the Word of God. They listened intently. I began to see peace on the faces of the children. This was a message that they had heard many times before. But because of timidness or something else, their parents had never stopped to listen. This was a new message for them...a message of hope.
A little while later we crowded into trucks to make the drive up a mountain. We were above the clouds and there were colorful crosses dotting the rolling hills. The wailing was back in full force. Children wept openly for their sister. They threw flowers into a whole in the ground on top of her tiny casket. We sang. My brother shared again. This time about Kind David and he had in the Lord when he lost a child. The phrase that was repeated often was, "Gloria esta en gloria con Dios!" Meaning, "Gloria (the girl's name) is in glory with God. And then we sang again. We sang through the tears. We sang as they mourned. We sang as the embraced each other. We sang as they closed up the grave and covered it with cement. We finished off by singing what had been some of Gloria's favorite childrens' songs.
Yesterday we went back to the family's home. The two candles where still burning in the middle of the road, but this time I occasionally heard laughter in that home. In this area, there is only one adult who claims Jesus Christ as his Savior. The people are very grounded in their traditional beliefs. Only the children have been interested in learning about the true God. But last night, the people just kept coming. One brother shared from the Word of God, we prayed, and we SANG. For a long time. Again we ended with songs that had been loved by Gloria. We sang on song, complete with motions and everything, that I had never fully understood before. But last night I understood all of it. And I wept. It goes something like this: "I will worship God with my heart and with my voice. And if I lose my voice, then I will worship Him with my hands. And if I lose my hands, I will worship Him with my feet. And if I lose my feet, I will worship Him with my soul. And if I lose my soul, it is because I have gone to be with Him." Yes. That was one of Gloria's favorite songs. And the story of her so very dear short life.

Pyramids!

When a group of Americans came down for the week, I was one of the people who went to Mexico City to pick them up. On the way back we stopped at some PYRAMIDS! I enjoyed being a tourist here in this country for a little while. This pyramid is the third largest in the world. I would have to go to Egypt to see bigger.

A Journal...

I brought my journal from this summer here to Mexico with me. Not exactly sure why, but the Lord worked dramatically in my life in those few short months and I want to remember.
I was reading in that journal this morning. And what I read about what the Lord had done in my life challenged me. I am not sure if the statement is originally with me or if I just wrote what someone said.

"Am I seeking God's hand or His face?"

Basically, am I looking for God's stamp of approval on what I want to do? Simply an "ok"? Or am I seeking Him? Do I want to know Him?

I do believe it is a question worthy of ponder. And eventually a truthful answer.

So....

...I am not going to be around for a few days. In the morning I am leaving to go to the mountain for the week. I promise to take lots of (mental) notes and (possibly) right a blog about it when I get back. But it should be grand. I am going to be a little Indian girl for a week....a dream I have always longed to fulfill!
Oh, and a group of Americans is here for the week. So I will be giving thanks to God with them this week.
Speaking of which....HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

And Happy Birthday to a wonderful sister too!

Rings and Things

I got back to the house last night to find a big plastic black bag sitting on the couch in my room. (Yes! I have a couch in my room! A very nice feature.) I instantly satisfied my curiosity by opening it up. And what did I find? A package! For me! From my dad! I knew it was coming, but I have heard stories of horrible mail service, so I did not know if it would make it. But it did! It has full of homemade jewelry that Kim and some other ladies made for me to give to the women and girls in the mountains.

I plan on wearing the jewelry and giving it away over time.....here and there as I think the situation dictates. The women here love whatever jewelery I have worn, especially the ones with lots of color! I am excited!
Okay, so I must that I am excited for two reasons. The first is that I have all this to give to my friends and sisters here. The will love it. But the second is that I have a ton of jewelry to play with!

Two Months

Two months.

Two months ago I woke up next to my friend Asia in the house we had shared with four other girls for four months. It was early, but not terribly so. Only six. I got up, got dressed, gathered my things, and was out the door at six-thirty. When I got into the drivers seat, I took a minute to speak into the soft light to my God. A precious moment. Then as I started the car, I thought, "This is the end of this time of my life. Let's go!" I drove down the slowly awakening streets of Augusta, GA to my grandparents' house. With each turn brought two decades worth of memories and the question, "When will I see this again?" After the short drive to my grandparents' house, my grandpa and I moved my things from one car to the other, got in the car, and drove off. I was filled with both apprehension and excitement....a very strange feeling. I was unsure what to do or say. So I am pretty sure I laid my head back and did and said nothing. We were on our way to Atlanta. I had traveled the interstate between Augusta and Atlanta many times, but this time the trip seemed longer....and it was so different. This time the final destination was not my dad's house, or Michigan, or to spend time with a friend. This time the destination was Mexico. All my things were packed into three suitcases and I did not have a return ticket. I had no idea what awaited me....I was not just walking into the unknown, I flung myself into it.

While sitting at the airport, I wrote this in my journal:

You are a God who knows tomorrow better than I remember yesterday.

<

Oh the comfort this words brought to my soul as my Grandpa prayed them yesterday. I do believe they will be my prayer for today, for my time in Mexico, and the rest of my life.

Yes. Just two months ago. How different my life is today than what I expected. Well, the truth is, that I am not sure what I expected, but I know that much of what has happened I did not expect.at.all. And those things have not been bad. In fact they have been wonderful. God knows. I am so foolish to think that just because my height has not changed in five years means that other areas of my life do not need to grow. When I was younger, I often thought about what that day would be like....the day that I "arrived" spiritually. A day where, yes I would make mistakes, but within minutes I would be able to look back, see what the mistake was, and correct it. There would not be any more growing or learning or questions...just simply applying what I knew.
Intermission: *All of you older and wiser people, now would be the time to go to the bathroom from laughing so hard*
Maybe I missed my chance, but it seems like there is no "arriving". But there is a place to lay down...in the arms of my Savior. Two months ago I did not know what was going to happen. Shoot...I do not even know what I am going to be doing an hour from now. But my God knows. He knows how He is working in my life....where He is leading, what He is teaching...and let me tell you, He has proven to me over the past two months that His plan for me is much more marvelous than I could ever guess or desire for myself.
So do I plan on "arriving" any time soon? NO. But right now I am resting the the arms of the one who knows all. And guess what?! He loves me!! Is there any better place to be than in the arms of the One who knows all and loves me? uummmmm....NEGATIVE.

A Month Old

I do believe there is nothing quite as delightful and aw-inspiring as holding a new baby.

Rolling Fog

Money!

I have always been fascinated by concepts that you cannot fit into a box....the way things work. One of the highlights of my life right now is discovering how Spanish works and thus learning more about my own language English. And then there is just verbal communication in general. When I first came here, all this people where talking baby talk with an occasional "HOLA!" But they understood each other. How is that sounds, just random sounds, can take a thought from my head and but it into your head?!And what about writing?
My apologies. I have lots of thoughts on these things...I have had a lot of time one my hands recently to just think. (as a side note, I have hardly ever been bored....but again lots of thoughts on this one.) We will save my thoughts on these things for a later time.
Anyways, the point of the matter is that I also find economics intriguing. So I thought I would share what the currency here looks like. Yes, I wrote all of the above when I could have said the same thing with the title "Money" and the picture.

[note: sorry for the blue weirdness above. Don't know what happened or how to fix it....so it stays. ]

What to do....

...when you wake up with hair like this? Just add some baby braids, a head band, a bun, earings, and a scarf. Act like you designed for it to be that way.

Yeah, far from perfect. But I happen to like it.
Strange. I know.

Mimi

I stand at the door...

and knock, knock, knock.

So I am here.

And I have written dozens of blogs recently. The only problem is that they are all in my head and never make it into written word form. But I have enjoyed them!

Life has been good recently. And by good, I mean hard, but so wonderful. Strange how a lol of the times the good hurts and the bad feels good. A result of sin. Oh cursed sin!

In these days of late I have been mulling, weeping, and praying Psalms 139. And um. w.o.w. You know in Hebrews it talks about the Word of God being a double-edged sword? "Dividing the bone and the marrow"? That would be Psalms 139 for me. Except for the fact that in this case, the "bone and arrow" would be my heart and the selffish pride that is so deeply embedded in it.
Like I said, painful and hard, but oh so wonderful.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalms 139:23-24

On Sundays, I normally go three different places. The first stop of the day is a place that I call, "Casa de Mimi" (in English- "Mimi's House" because I have no hope of ever being able to pronounce the name correctly. Mimi is the youngest of 11 children and her mother is one of the most wonderful women I have ever meet. I have spent a good bit of time in this home. If I could only pick one place to go, this would be the place. No questions asked.
Yesterday, my friend took stuff to make pancakes for the kids. They were all super excited. "Tortillas de pan!" (in English- Bread Tortillas) Bread is a treat in this place. All was going well...the nine-old-boy was diligently working on the fire, others were gathering plates, and the rest of the kids crowded around as my friend made the batter. Then we realized that the milk was nowhere to be found. We had had it earlier that morning, but it was nowhere. Milk is a treat there as well, and it turns out the oldest brother had enjoyed it very much, not knowing that it was intended for pancakes.
So Lolo, the 11- year-old daughter, and I set of on a mission to find milk. The "stores" in this village are selves that line people's homes. We went to two places. No luck. Then we ran half a mile down the mountain to another place. Along the way, we laughed, held hands, and talked as much as we could. No luck there either. The way back up was a bit more difficult.

Making Tortillias

What Life is Like

An online conversation I had with a friend:

Me: "I like my life here."
My Friend: "Good! What is it like?"
Me: "so different.....

but i love it

i eat tortialls all day long

and play with kids

and hike in the mountains

and eat fresh fruit

and sing in Spanish

and listen to Bible Studies

and I make so many mistakes, but I have learned to laugh at them...and other people have tooo

and then i go back to the house, sleep, wake up, and do it all again

each day is different...never the same

and i never know where I am going in a day or what I am going to be doing

and I love life that way

its hard....but so good!"

The Light in Her Eyes

Brown Eyes. How I love this particular pair. I especially love how they light up as their two-year-old owner jumps up and down with excitement. Why the excitement? Because she has seen me. And yes. I start to jump up and down as well, and I am sure my eyes get just as big as hers.
Last Sunday.... We had gone out that morning to the mountains, but the roads where not passable. So I got to spend a quite afternoon at the house. Nice, right? Um, no. That day as never before, for some unknown reason, I felt completely and utterly alone.... I do not speak the language these people speak, I do not know their ways or their customs, I know nothing of their pasts. And well, they know nothing of me too. It will be months before I can have a REAL conversation. One where I am not grasping for words in my limited vocabulary. I was overwhelmed. Not a feeling I like. At.ALL. I felt completely alone. I think more alone than I have ever felt before. Before there has always been a light at the end of the tunnel. But for me, the light at the end of the tunnel was months away.....either when I know Spanish much better or I go back to the States.
I went to my room, sat on the bed, and just stared off into space. I am not a crier, but I would not have been surprised if that had been one of those times.
But then I heard the Lord, not audibly, of course, but He spoke right to my heart. "Kathleen, dear one, don't you remember? You ASKED for this. You wanted to understand what it was like to be a stranger in a foreign country....so that one day you could have compassion for strangers in your country. You wanted to know. This is one of the reasons why you are here. This is not a trial, my beloved. This is Me answering your prayer. This is a blessing. Remember how it feels. Never forget. One day I will use this for My glory."
Did that horrible feeling go away? Not immediately. But God is right. And I am praying He will never let me forget.
One day I pray I will be looking into another pair of brown eyes. A pair that belongs to a Mexican child in the States. A child that is having a hard time understanding the world around them. And in that time I hope to whisper in Spanish, "I understand, my child. I have been where you are. Let me introduce you to the One who carried me through."
And maybe, just maybe, God can use me to bring light into that pair of brown eyes. Because "...God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all." (I John 1:5b)

My Sisters

This picture was taken two days before I left for Mexico by a family friend.
Yes, I miss them. And it hurts.

Wonderful Power!

I have been here for five weeks today. In some senses it seems like such a short amount of time, but in others, it seems like I have been here from a really long time. I wrote the following for something else, but I thought I would share it here....

How do you even begin to sum up the past month of my life? I have witnessed events that I only know a fraction of the ramifications now. I will have to wait till eternity for the rest.
Take for example last week in a place called Tilipango (sp?). A couple of the missionaries and I were in a home there. The home was simple and well taken care of. Everything had a place, including religious paraphernalia that was in the center of the main wall. I sat quietly as the family and the missionaries conversed in Nawigk (sp?) and Spanish. The Bible was opened. After a while, they prayed together and then everyone sat there for a minute. The matriarch of the family rose first to prepare drinks for everyone. All was still silent. The soft-spoken, patriarch of the family slowly came over to where I sat and reached for something above my head. It was a hammer. He then in silence and without drama, he began removing items from the wall. These items represented the false religion he had been in bondage to. Soon, the whole family concentrated on taking down the images and idols. Once they were finished, the man destroyed everything with his hammer. Then they used it all for kindling a fire. As I watched, the words from an old hymn rang again and again in my mind: “Would you be free from the burden of sin? There is wonderful power in blood! Would you o’re evil a victory win? There is wonderful power in the blood!”

Could you ever....

...get used to this?
I haven't yet. Praying I never will.

The Little

Sorry I have not really blogged this week, but I have been enjoying living life here, and when it comes time to do anything else, all I want to do is eat or sleep. But one day soon, I will. But for now, here are the words to one of my favorite songs. I have been humming it all week. And I may have shared it before, but I do not know. Here goes...

In the harvest field now ripened,
There's a work for all to do.
Hark, the voice of God is calling,
To the harvest calling you.

Little is much when God is in it.
Labor not for wealth or fame.
There's a crown and you can win it,
If you go in Jesus' name.

Does the place you're called to labor
Seem so small and little known?
It is great if God is in it,
And He'll not forget His own.

When the conflict here is ended
And our race on earth is run,
He will say, if we are faithful,
"Welcome home, my child, well done."

Remembering.

"I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all they work, and talk of thy doings. Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people."

I was looking at pictures from the past few years tonight, and just remembering. It is an awe-inspiring thing to look back, so what the Lord has done, and know that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. It does the soul well to remember.

Boys

So I love boys. The little ones, that is. I tend to shy away from any over the age of 16. They are uncomplicated, wild, sweet, and just plain fun. Today four of my young friends here took my camera and went crazy. One thing that I love about boys is that they can go from holding your hand to help you up a cliff and giving you flowers to jumping off of said cliff in a matter of approximately 0.002 seconds. They were made to protect, but lead and go crazy.

Yes, they are simply grand. They make me miss my brothers even more.

Children's Eyes

All taken by kids here. The took dozens of pictures. Their view of their lives is completely different than the one I have. They take great pleasure in the most simple of things. I have a lot to learn and they are great teachers. I hope one day I have a piece of their perspective on life.