wait and hope and turn it all

I know. I have not been around very much in this world called blogging. I would love to say that it that it is because I have been extremely busy...and I have been. But that has nothing to do with my absence here.
I have not been here because of what happens when I am here. I write. And always when I write I show my heart. Not saying that I am some amazing profound writer or anything, cause well, I know I am not. In fact most of the time I forget that there are readers out there. A few scant people who sometimes find the words that I write interesting.
But when I write it is for the sake of writing. When I start, I might have a general idea of what it might be about, but have no idea how it is going to shape up. Writing causes me to see things in a light that I had not seen them before. It gives me the time to think about things that I normally would push further down into the depths of my heart, because in just an ordinary moment when I am thinking, there are other, more important, more pressing things to be done. Writing opens me up in ways that few other things can.
And well, as of late, I have not wanted to show my heart. I have not been able to. Sometimes live is just hard. And painful. So very painful. And sometimes I have no idea how to handle it. Especially when it is from the hands of people. You want to react, shout, and cry "This IS NOT right!" I want to criticize, to point out faults, to have my time to speak. But that is not right either. Hence I have not written. Yes this is my place...to say what I think, to bear my heart, to talk about what I want, but I have to remember that no matter what world I am in, I am the daughter of the King....
And so I write to my King and I speak with Him. He knows my heart better than I do....He is the one who shows me what is there. The sin and the shame, yes. But also the creature that He is molding with His very own hands. This King is a man in whom I can trust everything....and so I do. And "He makes all things beautiful in HIS time." So I wait and hope and turn it all to Him.